Living Sans Breasts

A few years back I was diagnosed with breast cancer, two different kinds in both breasts.  I had chemotherapy followed by surgery then radiation on one side.  I did a great deal of research into the subjects and opted for a double mastectomy without reconstruction. 

Refusing reconstruction is not the most popular choice women make.  Often it is not presented to them as an option.  When I saw the plastic surgeon I had done my research and I had questions.   He had told me he could make me one beautiful breast and one that they could fix surgically a year later.  The need for radiation on the one side post surgery would like cause deformity in the one breasts. Hmmm.  Breasts seem to come in even numbers:  zero or two.  I wasn't excited about one normal, one iffy.  "The metal expanders you put in, will those remain in during radiation?" I asked.  The reply was yes.  It was the next question that stumped him.  "So do the expanders deflect any of the radiation or warp the radiation field in any way?"  Silence.  He didn't know.  Two phone calls later to radiation oncologists, the response was, "We can work around that." 

Shaken by what I felt was a questionable response to a reasonable question, I went home, did more research, and opted not to have reconstruction.  It required too many surgeries for my taste. The plastic surgeon told me statistically I would be happier if I had the reconstruction, and I do remember asking my surgeon to give me the "pretty" stitches as I was not intending on any reconstruction.  She laughed and told me that all of her stitches were the pretty kind. 

Three months post surgery I did finally attempt prosthetic for a couple of months.  The sales person kept telling me I would mess up my back if I didn't wear them and I owed it to myself to wear them. Silicone is the standard and I found it hot in the summer, cold in the winter and very heavy although I had chosen only B cups.  They pressed on my scar tissue and the band around the bra gave me lymphedema.  After three months I stopped wearing them. 

Breasts did appear to define who was as a woman and I was not about to endure pain for the look of breasts.  It has been 5 years and I am still sans breasts. I don't think about it often and in the right cut of clothing I believe I simply appear flat chested.   I even found the love of my life sans breasts; he loves me for who I am without them.

While turning down reconstruction may not be for everyone, I have seen a growing population of women out there on the internet that have done the same.  It isn't a matter of doing what we are told, or even doing what statistics say we will make us happier.  It is really about knowing yourself and  making the decision that is right for you.